It was 10 days before her 21st Birthday. She stood on her father’s arm waiting for the procession to begin. As she did, she was looking at all the faces staring back at her. There were smiles all around, and, why wouldn’t there be? It was a beautiful sunny day. The girls looked so pretty in their dresses holding their flowers. The men were handsome as ever in their tuxedo’s. It was her wedding day!
Finally, it was their turn to walk down the aisle into her future. Suddenly, an odd thought came crashing into her mind crowding out all the other thoughts forming there; “This marriage will not last.” The thought was so real, so vivid, so tangible, she could feel it just as much as she had thought it. She brushed it off and soon she was standing there, in front of him, her high school sweetheart. The rest of the day went on as planned and nary a thought was given to “that” thought.
Sadly, two years later that prophetic thought came to pass. The marriage was over. Lives; their lives and that of their families were shattered. Would healing ever come?
It wasn’t until years later that she realized and acknowledged the truth; she had settled. She knew the reason to be that she didn’t feel good enough or deserve to have someone love her for who she was. While she had always felt she was confident she now came to realize she suffered from low esteem. And, that, would take even more years for her to begin to understand and overcome.
This year I decided to read my devotional Bible. After a section of passages the author has inserted a devotion based on the main point of the collective passages. From one particular devotion I read, “When God looks at us, are we a pleasure to him, or a pain?” I immediately took exception to this statement. I have spent the last few years continually learning about my identity in Christ. I know when God looks at me he does not see me as a pain, even when I choose to be disobedient.
These are just some of the feelings God has about me:
- He delights in me and rejoices over me with singing (Zephaniah 3:17). Imagine that, God sings!
- I am the apple of his eye! (Zachariah 2:8)
- He lavishes me with his great love and calls me his child. (1 John 3:1).
- I am no longer condemned. (Romans 8:1).
- I am righteous in his sight. (2 Corinthians 5:21).
- I am blessed because my sins are forgiven. (Romans 4:7).
I meet and pray with many women. One thing we all have in common is overcoming the lies we have bought into about our worth. And, I’m sure the author of the devotions means no ill intent or purposeful harm. But, for some to read those words questioning whether we are a pleasure or a pain to God, could send them in a downward spiral and somehow the start button is pushed on all those old negative and lying mind talk tapes.